


Said I wasn’t good enough.

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alex isn’t the depressed one, Alexander Hamilton Being an Asshole, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Cheating, Depressed Thomas, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Gay Thomas Jefferson, George Washington - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Johns a model, Past Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Thomas needs love, disgust, im in an angsty mood lmao, past Thomas Jefferson/James madison - Freeform, suicide success, they’re still bestfriends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 04:28:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18422814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You made your choice and said I wasn't good enough...-What happens when Thomas begins to spiral downwards? When Thomas is no longer able to give Alexander the attention he craves. When Alexander turns back to his previous southern super model ex.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The song used in this Fic is called Good Enough from the musical 13 (i recommend) sang by the character Patrice. Whom I’m currently playing at my theatre
> 
> Trigger warning!!!! Please do not read if the following topics upset you! 
> 
> -self harm  
> -suicide  
> -eating disorders
> 
> If these subjects upset you read no more. I hope you have a nice day. You are loved.

Thomas Jefferson, most likely the most confident, out going, cocky person you’d ever meet. That’s what he wants you to think about him. But in reality the man is broken. Since being with Alexander he had began to pick up the pieces once more. Thomas was happier, his smiles were more often genuine then not. Alex brought him joy. Thomas Jefferson, thinks his perfect, loves himself, biased. Quite the opposite actually. Thomas’ self esteem was at an all time low. “Fake it till you make it” Was Thomas’ motto. Thomas felt like nothing compared to Alex’s supermodel ex boyfriend John Laurens. Since being with Alexander, Thomas had gained a harmless amount of weight. In fact he looked healthier and happier then ever. Three months in to their relationship Thomas relapses..

Thomas no longer wanted to be touched, he became secretive. Alex wasn’t allowed in his bathroom. He only wore long sleeves, he stopped eating. All factors of a relationship seemed to vanish. That’s when John reached or to him declaring he still loved Alex. Alex remembered how he reassured Thomas there was none else he loved move then him. Yet here he was. Seeing John being Thomas’ back..

This little cheat had been happening a month and a half when Thomas found out when a text came though on Alex’s phone from John thanking him for a lovely date. 

Thomas’ world came shattering down. 

_You made your choice and said I wasn't good enough..._

Thomas’ heart had been broken into a million pieces. He stormed to his bathroom picking up a silver slip of metal staring at it unable to do anything else. What would Alex say?

Why did it matter?

”Thomas?” A voice called. It belonged to Alex of course. “Come on what’s wrong?”

”What’s wrong?!?” Thomas exclaimed the door slamming open revealing the slender man. “You! You cheating on me with John Laurens! That’s whats wrong!!” Thomas exclaimed. The poofy haired man was fuming. 

“Thomas I-“

”Don’t you Thomas I me!” Thomas let out a loud wail knocking things to the floor in his rage. “I know I haven’t been all that great this recently. But this is a new low. Even for you...am I not good enough?”

_I wasn’t good enough for you to be my friend.._

”if johns so good, just go back to him!” Thomas growled trembling with anger.

”Thomas no! That’s not what I want!”

”clearly.” 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't good enough for you to be my friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did say in the tags that Thomas and James are still friends but I decided against that. I just realised that since the song I’m using is from 13. (Watch it if you haven’t) Alex is Evan, Thomas is Patrice, Angelica is Archie, John is Brett, Lafayette and Hercules are Eddie and Malcolm. Eliza would be Kendra and Peggy is just Peggy in all her glory. She’s not mean enough to be Lucy. Maybe Maria would be Lucy?
> 
> If you are triggered by these topics do not read!
> 
> -Suicide  
> -Self Harm  
> -Eating disorder
> 
> Stay safe xx~Konna

“No Thomas Please! It’s not what you think!” Alex exclaimed trying to get wrap his arms around the taller man. That’s when he noticed how skinny the man really was. Alexander wrapped his hand around his willow thin wrists in shock; Jefferson was quick to pull away

”Don’t touch me!” He exclaimed. Alexander could see him trembling. Poor Thomas, he had made a big mistake. “You made your choice! You picked John! I always knew it! I knew I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough for you to be my friend...let alone my boyfriends. You’re embrassed by me!” Tears pricked the taller mans eyes. 

What happened to the Thomas he used to know. The one who didn’t fake being cocky, the confident man he used to be. Argumentative and strong. Only when Thomas began to feel good enough Alex blew it. 

“Thomas please- let me explain! You were just so low...I thought you’d want time alone..John messaged me just to meet up! And it just kind happened! I don’t love him anymore!”

”The photos on his Instagram say otherwise!” Thomas snapped. 

“I told him to block you..” Alexander whispered but Jefferson still heard

“See, you wanted it just as much as he did.” tears had began to role down Thomas’ face. Years ago before Alex had came along, Thomas was the person everyone strived to be like. Then that all went down hill after Thomas’ dumped James his abusive Ex boyfriend. 

James Madison, abusive, self centred, popular. He single handedly ruined Thomas’ life. James made out that any abuse he inflicted on Thomas wasn’t him and that Thomas was the one who abused him. Of course everyone believed him. Peggy, the youngest Schuyler was quick to pass the rumour around. Eliza believed it to an extent but Angelica knew that completely wasn’t Thomas...

James Madison was the reason for a lot of Thomas’ depression, why he was so thin, yet Thomas wouldn’t admit that to anyone. Not until it was too late. James had already took advantage of that. 

When Alexander came to his high school everyone loved him, they thought he was great. That’s why Alexander strives to keep his relationship with Thomas a secrete. James found out? He was good as dead. 

_You wanted to be cool and I'm not good enough.._

Alex really was embrasses by him...if he was dating John everyone would love him. That boy had a killer body, even Thomas would admit that. 

John was everything Thomas wasn’t. 

“Just don’t talk to me Alexander! Go away!” Thomas’ eyes blazing with anger, sadness and regret. He regret ever allowing himself to love again. He always gets hurt. But who would love a guy like him? He hoped John would be happy with Alex. That few months of joy were the happiest he’d been in his life. 

Alex strived for popularity, having both John and James on his side would really work it’s wonders...Mr Washington the head of the school worshipped him. Allowing him to get away with whatever he wanted. No longer did Thomas attend his debate classes and he was certain he didn’t even realise he was gone...

_No, look, I get it, you’re the latest in a trend.._

School was hell...Alexander didn’t ever hang around with him at school. He was always with John Laurens and his popular gang of friends, Hercules Mulligan, head of the drama department, he made all the shows costumes and always knew how to make everyone look there best. He was great with fashion advice and the french exchange student, Marquis de Lafayette, the schools football team captain. Like John he hasn’t the perfect body, the same curly hair Jefferson had, the same height, only thing was...Lafayette wasn’t made of skin and bones. 

Alex was the brains of the group. Writing their essays, coming up with plans on how to ask out girls, and boys! Hercules, John and Lafayette were very open about being Bisexual. Nobody really cared it meant everyone had a shot with the three most loved boys. Alex got Lafayette on a date with Peggy, it went swimmingly but didn’t last..

”Tommy!” Angelica called. Angelica Schuyler, smart, funny, kind of petrifying, Thomas’ last remaining friend. Angelica didn’t believe a thing James had claimed. She’d seen the bruises James had given Thomas, she’d seen how he detoriated. How many times she had to talk him out of killing himself. It was hard to see such a strong character disappear to nothing. Late night calls were frequent between them, Angelica even got Thomas to start seeing a therapist. Philip Schuyler had been willing to help pay for it since he was a dear friend of Angelica’s, the Schuyler were loaded. “Have you been looking after your self? Eating? General hygiene?” Angelica was always there to check up on Thomas.

Thomas just stared at the ground and shrugged. Angelica sighed. “Well have you been writing how you’ve been feeling everyday in the notebook Martha Washington gave you?” Yes, His Priniples wife was his therapist. No doubt she probably talk George about him. Thomas nodded quickly, producing a little A5 note pad handing it to Angelica who flicked through frowning. “You really feel this awful everyday?” Thomas shoved his hands into his pockets. 

“Yeah..” he muttered barely audible.

”Oh Thomas..” Angelica wrapped her arms around the taller figure. Thomas was never sure why Angelica helped him, why she was there for him. Angelica knew what it means to be a friend. Alexander did not. Jefferson remembers the time Angelica slapped him in the face. That was before it all went down hill, she became much nicer, less scary. “It’s a good thing we are getting you help.” Angelica was there at his first therapy session. She was there when he passed out from not eating. She always reminded Thomas to take his antidepressants. She was a good friend.

Sometimes Thomas wished he could love her like he loved Alexander, but he had no attraction to females in that way. He wished he did. Maybe then he wouldn’t be such a disgrace to his family. Even if he didn’t love Angelica that way, she was great friend. He loved her just not the way he wished he did...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a longer chapter I wrote before going to play Patrice for the final day before the show tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> I would write more but I’m tired and I want to sleep lmao.
> 
> I’ll write more in other chapters!!
> 
> Xx


End file.
